Thursday, September 30, 2004

I am a Feature Writer!

I am the God of Snot!

And I am a Feature Writer! That is right! And not only is it right, it is self-evident. I just walked into that student newspaper meeting, and the Editor said “You can do a feature. 600 – 800 words. Any ideas?”

But I did not want to cheat you, my loyal followers, by sermonising on self-discovery, self-reflection and self-possession, when you have waited for days to hear and understand my message, returning to the Web-BIBLE on an hourly basis, lest you have missed the revelation.

“I could do something about blogging?” said I, with a sneaky mirth to myself.

“Yeah, that’s pretty big right now…” said a sub-editor (no capital letters for him!) and my career as a Writer of Features was fertilised!

And while I have yet to write this feature, for I was mindful that it has been some time since I manifested in the Inter-Plane and wanted to prepare you further for the Day of Green Serenity, I have an outline, a slant I will be taking. And it is this: Why blog?

Of course, you must understand that as much as I do not wish to cheat you of your epiphanies by delivering some dope-addled students first, I do not wish to cheat these same dope-addled students of their exclusive feature on blogging by sharing it with you first. So I may post the feature here when it has been published, and I may re-unite these dope-addled students with their destinies when you, my first-followers, have all gazed upon Nirvana and thought to yourselves “y’now, that God of Snot was right… we are better than this, more than this, and what’s so enlightened about blowing your own face off with a shotgun anyway?”

This is to say, when you have discovered the Ultimate Truths and rejected the Matrix-wisdom of your 5-second-gratification-gap-generation. When you have remembered yourselves, and no longer need my Brothers of the Excreta and I.

That day is coming, my followers, that day is coming, and you will know when it is upon you, for you will cry... MOCOS!

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